🚀 go-pugleaf

On Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:19:06 +0000, Deeandre' Babydaddy
<white_tax_dollars@cant_fix.me> wrote:

>(Look! A subject that's simultaneously redundant AND oxymoronic!)
>
> I love music. I consider myself fortunate to have just enough of whatever it
>takes to anchor a "weekend warrior" rock band of like-minded contemporaries.  By
>"like-minded," I mean educated professionals with real responsibilities, who
>nevertheless appreciate the opportunity to constructively blow off steam once a
>week in a garage, and once a month in some or other dive bar. No delusions here;
>the day jobs are not going away, the paltry pay for bar gigs can barely be called
>"beer money," and we'd do it for free if we had to. It's just a great way to kick
>back and forget about the grind for a few hours here and there.
>
> Next time you're in front of the idiot box, flip to MTV or BET while they're
>running one of their "Supa Phat Dope Bomb Hype Jamz" hip-hop video programs. It
>will become immediately obvious that the flaming assholes running these networks
>truly do HATE music. They don't hate it in the same way as those who promote, say,
>a Jimmy Buffett tour, or sign the next vapid "artist/brand" teenage street whore
>to a record deal, but hate's hate, right?
>
> Hang on, I think I'm going somewhere with this. My neighborhood gym is quite the
>culturally diverse little house of fitness. Its membership is roughly 50% Esse,
>40% nigger, and 10% Whitey. Much to the consternation of the 10% crowd, the
>whitebread gym owner, being a businessman who knows well where his bread is
>buttered, reluctantly allows the 40% crowd to dicate the musical soundtrack of the
>afternoon workout. The 50% crowd generally no habla ingles, and the 10% crowd
>can't be bothered starting a squabble over such petty bullshit.            
>
> Every last video I've seen has been the same four minutes of homogeneously
>laughable dreck. It's a modern-day step-n-fetch-it minstrel show, plain and
>simple. All "artists," "songs," and "videos" are manufactured along the same
>formula; pay attention, and you too can start raking in dat mad cabbage:
>
>1. Make sure you have as a "stage name," a common English word that's horribly
>misspelled.
>
>2. "Sample" a hook, if not an entire song, from an established, talented artist.
>Constructing chord progressions, melodies, and harmonies is just too difficult,
>and doesn't leave enough time for you to "keep it real."
>
>3. Make sure that your "lyrics" are peppered with enough profanity that when your
>"song" or video is played, the "bleeping" sounds like Morse code.
>
>4. Butcher the English language at every possible turn (when the hell did
>"Birthday" become "Birfday," anyway?).
>
>5. For the video, make sure you're wearing a knee-length white t-shirt or
>"'fro-back" sports jersey with matching hat (oversized, bill cocked approximately
>25 degrees to one side), and several pounds of platinum "jooo-ry."
>
>6. The video must contain frequent close-ups of you not so much dancing, but
>rocking back and forth, slowly nodding your head, and making frequent hand
>gestures (IMPORTANT!!! Never, EVER smile).
>
>7. The presence of several tricked-out "pimp rides" is a must. By my count, the
>Cadillac Escalade and Hummer H2 are the leading nigger "whips du jour" in the
>hip-hop community.
>
>8. Make sure you have a scene that requires about 100 or so extras, either eating
>barbecue in a park, or kickin' it in da club.  These should include your close
>friends, "associates," and other assorted unemployable hangers-on. In addition,
>you'll need several "bitchez" and "ho's" (shakin' dey assez) and perhaps a child
>or two (how cute).
>
> There you go - everything you need to know to be a star on MTV/BET. Best of luck
>to you, future hip-hop starz 'n whatnot, knowumsayin'?
>
>
>Kickin' it wit' my ho,  
>-- Deeandre' Babydaddy
>
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaeIQMI02pE

When a commercial gym goes about 25% negro the end draws near.

Max
>