🚀 go-pugleaf

Kind of tough for his wife and daughters to watch the comedy ...

"Job Goblin" <jobgoblin@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:f922c367.0410041107.2c2fe36e@posting.google.com...
> Top 10 Conservative Idiots: Top Ten Debate Moments
>    (No. 173)
>
>    October 4, 2004
>    Top Ten Debate Moments Edition
>
>         We have a huge list this week which focuses almost entirely
>    on last week's presidential debate. While expectations were high for
>    both candidates, nobody quite expected the exquisite thrashing John
>    Kerry gave George W. Bush for ninety long minutes, and while
>    post-debate spinners tried their hardest to put lipstick on Bush's pig
>    of a performance it was quite clear who came out on top. Many of the
>    links this week are audio clips, so turn your speakers on (or turn
>    them down if you're at work!), sit back, and enjoy. If you want to
>    test your system to make sure the audio is working, click this link
>    first. Also, if you want to watch the debate video or read the
>    transcript, you can find them both on the C-SPAN website. No key this
>    week, just enjoy!
>
>    1 President Kerry vs. Baby Bush
>    The two candidates hadn't even gotten a word out before John Kerry
>    stamped his mark of authority on the debate. After moderator Jim
>    Lehrer's introduction, Bush bounded across the stage in an attempt to
>    "win the stride" - that is, to get into his opponent's space and
>    intimidate him, as Ronald Reagan did so effectively to Jimmy Carter in
>    1980.
>
>    Unfortunately it backfired when tiny Bush ran smack into man-mountain
>    John Kerry, who pulled Bush in close to contrast the height difference
>    between them. Kerry leaned down to whisper in Bush's ear, leading to
>    the first great moment of the debate - Bush literally having to tear
>    his hand out of Kerry's grip before retreating all the way back across
>    the stage to his podium.
>
>    Hilarity ensued as TV cameras put up a split-screen of the two
>    candidates, artificially raising the height of Bush's podium so their
>    heads were level. And while Kerry looked like he was standing behind a
>    podium, Bush unfortunately looked like he was sitting in a highchair.
>
>
>    2 Mexed Missages
>    It honestly appeared that George W. Bush's only preparation for the
>    debate was to repeat the phrase "mixed signals" and "mixed messages"
>    over and over again in front of a mirror. Funny thing is, when it came
>    to the crunch he even fucked that up, at one point accusing Kerry of
>    sending "mexed missages."
>
>    The purpose of all this, was, of course, to paint Kerry as indecisive.
>    See, according to Bush, you can't be a strong leader if for one second
>    you stop to consider your options. Staying the course is always
>    preferable to discussing alternatives, even if that course is leading
>    you towards the edge of a very tall cliff.
>
>    In fact, it's absolutely preferable to drive off that cliff - as long
>    as you're resolute and steadfast while you're doing it. Unfortunately
>    this gambit failed dismally as Kerry came across far steadier and
>    stronger during the debate than Bush, who looked wobbly, defensive,
>    and weak. Oh well.
>
>    3 Mexed Missages, Part Two
>    But let nobody ever accuse Bush of being inflexible! See, while Kerry
>    maintained strong and consistent positions throughout the debate, Bush
>    appeared to be making up new policies as he went along.
>
>    First, he took on Kerry's suggestion that it would probably help the
>    United States if the rest of the world thought we were credible. While
>    rambling on about the International Criminal Court - which he actually
>    appeared to be quite frightened of - Bush said, "I just think trying
>    to be popular, kind of, in the global sense, if it's not in our best
>    interest makes no sense."
>
>    This, of course, was after Bush had spent a good portion of time
>    boasting about the "alliances" that he had put together with the
>    United Kingdom, Australia, and, uh, that's it. Oh - Poland. I almost
>    forgot about Poland. So which is it, Mr. President? Making sure we
>    have strong alliances by ensuring that we remain credible in the eyes
>    of the world? Or making sure we have strong alliances by not giving a
>    damn about our credibility? Make your mind up.
>
>    But that wasn't all - Bush also insisted that Iraqi president Ayad
>    Allawi "doesn't want U.S. leadership ... to send mixed signals, to not
>    stand with the Iraqi people." But then, after yet another verbal
>    thrashing from Kerry about the perils of blind certainty, Bush changed
>    his mind. In fact, you might say he... flip-flopped. "I fully agree
>    that one should shift tactics, and we will, in Iraq." He said. Oh, we
>    will? Gee, don't tell Ayad Allawi. He doesn't want U.S. Leadership to
>    send mixed signals.
>
>    4 Excuses, Excuses, Excuses
>    The debate gave Bush a splendid opportunity to come up with yet
>    another new excuse for why the war in Iraq is not exactly a success.
>    And it's a good one! See, apparently we achieved victory too quickly.
>
>    "Because we achieved such a rapid victory, more of the Saddam
>    loyalists were around," said Our Great Leader. "In other words, we
>    thought we'd whip more of them going in. But because Tommy Franks did
>    such a great job in planning the operations, we moved rapidly. And a
>    lot of the Ba'athists and Saddam loyalists laid down their arms and
>    disappeared. I thought we would - they would stay and fight. But they
>    didn't. And now we're fighting them now."
>
>    Now we're fighting them now, indeed. Mind you, it's odd that Bush
>    thought they would stay and fight, considering that just last week CNN
>    reported that "Two classified reports prepared for President Bush two
>    months before the Iraq invasion warned the war could prompt an
>    insurgency in which rogue elements from Saddam Hussein's government
>    would work with existing terrorist groups, sources said."
>
>    Want more? "The January 2003 reports from the National Intelligence
>    Council (NIC) said an invasion would increase support for hard-line
>    politicized Islam and result in a divided Iraqi society prone to
>    violent conflict, the sources said Tuesday."
>
>    Don't blame Bush though. It's not his fault if he didn't read those
>    reports.
>
>    5 A New Leash on Life
>    "I appreciate enormously the personal comments the president just
>    made," said John Kerry after Bush grudgingly praised his character,
>
>    "And I share them with him. I think only if you're doing this - and
>    he's done it more than I have in terms of the presidency - can you
>    begin to get a sense of what it means to your families. And it's
>    tough. And so I acknowledge that his daughters - I've watched them.
>    I've chuckled a few times at some of their comments. And..."
>
>    Suddenly Bush interrupted, "I'm trying to put a leash on them."
>
>
>    6 Crusaderiffic
>    One of Bush's very last lines of the night was also one of his most
>    interesting: "We've climbed the mighty mountain. I see the valley
>    below, and it's a valley of peace." The simplest explanation for
>    Bush's sudden eloquence can probably be boiled down to: "Hey world,
>    you listening? We're up here, you're down there. Suck on it."
>
>    But that doesn't sound quite right. A possible suggestion is that Bush
>    was referring to Martin Luther King's "mountaintop" speech, where Dr.
>    King said, "I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up
>    to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised
>    land." But let's face it, the chances of Bush deliberately
>    paraphrasing the nation's greatest civil rights leader are slimmer
>    than a supermodel on a hunger strike.
>
>    No, the best guess may be that the mighty mountain Bush was talking
>    about is the Biblical mountain God took Moses up, just before Moses
>    picked Joshua to lead the Israelites into the promised land.
>    Incidentally, Joshua was a military leader who kicked a whole lot of
>    nonbeliever ass, and the book of Joshua is widely cited as a
>    justification for the Crusades. Oh yes, you know the fundies liked
>    that one!
>
>    7 Bringing Them To Justice
>    In his very first rebuttal, Bush bragged that "the A.Q Khan network
>    has been brought to justice." For those of you not familiar with A.Q
>    Khan, he's a Pakistani nuclear physicist who back in February of this
>    year admitted to exporting nuclear secrets to Iran, North Korea, and
>    Libya.
>
>    Want to know how the Bush administration brought Khan to justice?
>    Well, after owning up to his crimes, he was pardoned by President
>    Musharraf. A month later, during a visit to Islamabad, Colin Powell
>    designated Pakistan a major non-NATO ally - which allows them to
>    purchase a wide array of U.S. weaponry - and refused to criticize
>    Musharraf for letting Khan off the hook.
>
>    Why? According to the New Republic (or see Idiots 163), because the
>    Bush administration was at the time putting heavy pressure on Pakistan
>    to capture or kill "High Value Targets" - Al Qaeda leaders - before
>    the election. Specifically, "it would be best if the arrest or killing
>    of [any] HVT were announced on twenty-six, twenty-seven, or
>    twenty-eight July."
>
>    Those dates, of course, happily coincided with the Democratic National
>    Convention.
>
>    So now you know how the Bush administration brought A.Q. Khan to
>    justice - by letting him go free so that the Pakistani government
>    would announce terrorist captures on dates which were politically
>    convenient for George W. Bush.
>
>    Fortunately, even the Bush administration couldn't be this brazen, and
>    the plan never came to fruition. Well, unless you count Pakistan's
>    subsequent capture of a top Al Qaeda terrorist, which just happened to
>    be announced the day of John Kerry's acceptance speech at the
>    Convention. But that was probably just a coincidence.
>
>    8 The Seven Faces of Bush
>    Those who watched Bush vs. Kerry on C-SPAN were able to enjoy non-stop
>    split-screen action for the duration of the debate. This gave viewers
>    an opportunity to concentrate on the body language of each candidate
>    while the other was speaking.
>
>    While most casual viewers thought that Bush appeared to go from
>    annoyance to chagrin to peevishness and back to annoyance, experts
>    have agreed that Bush's facial expressions actually passed through
>    seven distinct, recognizable changes during the course of the debate.
>
>    9 Not This Time, Bucko
>    Of course, the biggest news of the night came when George W. Bush
>    acknowledged that - hold on to your hats - he knows who attacked
>    America on 9/11! Of course, he needed a bit of prompting from Senator
>    Kerry, but there you go.
>
>    Ever since 9/11 the Bush administration has done all it can to confuse
>    the war on terror with the war in Iraq, and Osama bin Laden with
>    Saddam Hussein. This might have worked on the lazy mainstream media,
>    who happily drilled it into the minds of the American people for two
>    years, but it wasn't going to work on John Kerry.
>
>    When Jim Lehrer asked Bush about more preemptive military actions,
>    Bush waffled about Iraq and then foolishly threw in his favorite piece
>    of campaign spin: "I understand how hard it is to commit troops. Never
>    wanted to commit troops. When I was running - when we had the debate
>    in 2000, never dreamt I'd be doing that. But the enemy attacked us,
>    Jim, and I have a solemn duty to protect the American people."
>
>    Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
>
>    "Jim, the president just said something extraordinarily revealing and
>    frankly very important in this debate," responded Kerry. "In answer to
>    your question about Iraq and sending people into Iraq, he just said,
>    'The enemy attacked us.' Saddam Hussein didn't attack us. Osama bin
>    Laden attacked us. Al Qaida attacked us. And when we had Osama bin
>    Laden cornered in the mountains of Tora Bora, 1,000 of his cohorts
>    with him in those mountains. With the American military forces nearby
>    and in the field, we didn't use the best trained troops in the world
>    to go kill the world's number one criminal and terrorist."
>
>    Well, you could have used Bush to clandestinely open an envelope, he
>    was steaming so much. And when Kerry was done, Bush barged in for a 30
>    second rebuttal - his mouth running way, way ahead of his brain. "Of
>    course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us," he fumed. Then, realizing
>    how ridiculous he sounded, he trailed off with a lame, "I know that."
>
>    I almost felt sorry for the poor guy. It can't be a nice feeling,
>    having your ass handed to you in front of 60 million people.
>
>    10 Work Hard With A Vengeance
>    If there's one thing we found out last Thursday, it's that the
>    presidency is hard work. So much hard work, in fact, that Bush used
>    the phrase eleven times during the debate. I guess this must be why
>    Bush spent 42% of his first eight months in office on vacation - I
>    mean, he was even on vacation when he got that Presidential Daily
>    Briefing entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Strike in United States."
>    But, you know, Dubya was clearing brush that day, and clearing brush
>    is, well, hard work.
>
>    It's odd, but from his statements during the debate it almost sounded
>    like being president is simply too much of a pain in the ass for
>    George W. Bush. Turning Iraq from a tyranny to a democracy is "hard
>    work." Training Iraqi troops is "hard work." Having the FBI director
>    come in his office and talk about security every morning is "hard
>    work." Climbing the mighty mountain and seeing the valley below is
>    "hard work." Trying to love Missy Johnson as best as he can is "hard
>    work."
>
>    We get it already! Being president is hard work! You don't have to
>    keep whining on and on about it! It comes with the territory! Didn't
>    you realize that it was going to be hard work before you applied for
>    the job the first time? What, do you want us to feel sorry for you?
>    Suck it up!
>
>    The Best of the Rest
>    George W. Bush obviously wasn't the only Conservative Idiot of the
>    week. Colin Powell was sending mixed messages; Pennsylvania
>    Republicans were lying their asses off; Team Bush has outsourced its
>    voter file database; and Jerry Falwell says that evangelical
>    Christians now control the Republican party. Hang on, that's not
>    idiocy - he's right.
>
>    Meanwhile, Ken Blackwell, Ohio's secretary of state, has been trying
>    to suppress voter registration; Arnold Schwarzenegger (despite being a
>    smoker himself) has banned smoking in California's prisons on health
>    grounds (oh well, there's always heroin); Jim Bunning lied about his
>    endorsements, and CNN and the Miami Herald allowed Republicans to pose
>    as "undecided voters" during their post-debate coverage.
>
>    Elsewhere, Fox News had to pull TWO stories from their website when
>    they were discovered to be fake - one story was about a website called
>    "Communists for Kerry" which is run by Republicans (Fox reported as if
>    it were a real organization), and the other was a spoof article by
>    Fox's own Carl Cameron, who simply invented a bunch of Kerry quotes.
>    Not that anyone cares about holding Fox News accountable.
>
>    While I'm on the subject, anyone in the media who called the debate a
>    draw can kiss my ass - I mean, come on. These reports of a "draw" were
>    frequently sitting right next to voter polls which favored Kerry
>    80%-20% over Bush.
>
>    And finally, (yes, finally!) let's end with some sex. Antonin Scalia
>    announced last week that "sexual orgies eliminate social tensions and
>    ought to be encouraged." So that's what he was doing in that duck
>    blind with Dick Cheney! See you next week!
>
>
>    Linked cites verifying the aforementioned idiots can be found at:
>         http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/index.html
>    _____________________________________________________________________
>    ------------------------------------------------------------------
>    "The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our
>    number one priority and we will not rest until we find him."
>                                          ~ George Bush Jr. 2001-09-13
>    -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -
>   "I don't know where he (bin Laden) is. I have no idea and I really
>    don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority."
>                                          ~ George Bush Jr. 2002-03-13
>    -------------------------------------------------------------------
>     FLIP/FLOP\FLIP/FLOP\FLIP/FLOP\FLIP/FLOP\FLIP/FLOP\FLIP/FLOP\FLIP