🚀 go-pugleaf

<doc@dircon.co.uk> wrote:
>
> What a nice piece this is...
> 
> It should be given to ALL young gay people.
> 
> Thankyou.
> 
> prophet@prophet.org (Mirador, Elven Mage) wrote:
> >Another sensible person in the world. Surely there must be others...
> >
> >When Jesus' desciples asked him, "Master, what shall we do?"  He said, 
> >"Love one another."  So what's to figure out?
> >
> >
> >In article <464n0v$bm0@er7.rutgers.edu>, dstern@er7.rutgers.edu says...
> >>
> >>"Confused,"
> >>
> >>I was really moved by your letter.  I'm trying to sort out my thoughts about
> >>what you wrote, so bear with me while I improvise. 
> >>
> >>First of all, I'd like to tell you (and I know that one stranger telling you
> >>isn't enough) to stop beating yourself up.  You're not a monster, a pervert,
> >>an alien, too intelligent, too gay, too interested in youth, to be a part of
> >>the human race.   The main thing that we, as gay people, are taught is that 
> >>we are the ultimate aliens.  Ask any crew of high-school boys (this survey
> >>was done once) what the ultimate insult is, the one that will always start
> >>a fight.  It is, of course, "faggot".  Being smart is another thing that 
> >>cuts a kid off from the normal crowd.  But as an adult, you recognize that 
> >>there are many "crowds" out there, with many definitions of normal.  As an 
> >>adult, you have the power to control where you live and who you associate
> >>with.  And right now, it sounds like the only person calling you horrible
> >>names is you.  That is the impulse that you have to fight.  Not your 
> >>sexuality.
> >>
> >>You may be thinking that your self-hatred is the only thing keeping you
> >>from turning into the dangerous sex-fiend you are so afraid of becoming.
> >>I don't think it works that way.  It is the people who accept their sexuality,
> >>for whom it is a comfortable and integrated part of their lives, who can 
> >>exercise a morality that comes from the heart, not from some kind of self-
> >>imposed bludgeon.   Is being attracted to a minor evil?  No - let's face it:
> >>many younger people are sexual and attractive.  There's no magical 
> >>transformation that happens at midnight on someone's eighteenth birthday to
> >>give them sexual appeal.  Are you evil for appreciating the beauty and 
> >>vitality of youth?  I don't think so.
> >>
> >>Actions, of course, are something else.  Actually having a sexual
> >>relationship with a boy would be risky for you and probably bad for him.  
> >>But I think you know that, and haven't acted on that particular aspect of
> >>your sexuality.  Have you ever thought that that's a matter for praise,
> >>not blame?   I think that if you were just a bit kinder to yourself, and that
> >>includes your sexual feelings, you would be more, not less, assured that you
> >>will do no harm to another person.
> >>
> >>Besides, I have a hunch that what you really want is not to sleep with some
> >>kid in real life, but to go back in time yourself, and do your own youth over
> >>again.  Make it come out right this time.  If you knew then what you know 
> >>now, maybe you could have been proud of who you are; maybe you could have 
> >>found love, and had a boyfriend, and held hands and gone to the prom and 
> >>passed notes in class and all of those things that kids do.
> >>
> >>I don't think that there is a gay man who doesn't feel a bit of rage 
> >>somewhere that we never got to have that carefree pre-sexuality of the 
> >>young.  But the past is what it is; it can never be undone and it cannot
> >>be relived.   The unhappy, isolated boy you were will always be a part of
> >>you.   But (here's the but) that's not all there is to you.  Don't buy 
> >>the psychological line that says that you are simply an extension of your
> >>childhood.  I think you're as much a product of what you thought about five
> >>minutes ago as you are of your childhood.   You cannot undo the love and
> >>acceptance you never had when you were younger, but you can have those things
> >>now.  
> >>
> >>Meet a gay person.  Not a lover, yet; I wouldn't recommend having sex until
> >>you are much more comfortable with the idea that sexuality can be a 
> >>joyful addition to your life, not a burden.  But a friend; above all, find 
> >>out that you are not alone by hearing echoes of what you've been through.  
> >>Train yourself to trust other people; slowly, bit by bit, take a risk by 
> >>telling someone something small that you wouldn't have told them before.
> >>Try, just once, having a sexual thought, WHATEVER it is, and simply 
> >>enjoying it.  It will not drive you out of control and it will not hurt
> >>anybody.   Cut words like "burdened" "cursed" "never" "only one in the
> >>world" out of your vocabulary.  They are self-fulfilling prophecies, not 
> >>descriptions.   At least one reader on the internet thinks you're probably
> >>OK.
> >>
> >>
> >>I'm sorry to have taken this ex cathedra tone; I was just trying to tell you
> >>some of the kinds of things I figured out the hard way.  Like those
> >>god-awful boring 12-step meetings say, "take what you like and leave the 
> >>rest." Write back sometime and let me know how you're doing.
> >>
> >>Cheers,
> >>
> >>David.
> >

I would have loved it if anyone had said something like this to me some years ago
when I was so terribly confused and alone.

Thank you very much David (the author of the ex-cathedra speech).

Is nice to hear stuff like this even when your mind has been made up.