🚀 go-pugleaf

"Uh I Dont Know" <fjackie2012@NOSPAMnetscape.net> 
wrote in message news:
<Xq2S8.4674$DQ5.299043@newsread2.prod.itd.earthlink.net>...
> On 25-Jun-2002, "Uh I Dont Know" 
<fjackie2012@NOSPAMnetscape.net> wrote:
> 
> > The last original Ann Landers column will be June 27, 2002
> 
> Correction, July 27, 2002

... Concerning the recent passing away of
Ann Landers, I should tell you that I considered
her purported "wisdom" to have been somewhat
overstated--And I am speaking from personal
experience on this, since I was once having
some difficulties with a tough personal problem
in my life, and wrote to her about it in the hope
she might be able to help me out:

My beloved mother baked me a cake and then
died for some reason. But, before she died, she 
clearly said: "My son," so that there would be no 
doubt whom she meant: "Eat the cake." (There 
then/there being any number of uncles, cousins, 
nieces and nephews, neighbors & pets present 
with somewhat obvious designs on the cake 
themselves.)

I always obeyed my mother (even that time she told
me to go jump off a cliff... and I ended up down at the
hospital), but, as this was her final gift to me, after all,
I wished to keep the cake forever (in her memory)... 
And yet, how could I disobey my mother now?!?!?!
So I wrote of my predicament to Ann Landers; who 
simply answered: "You can't have your cake and 
eat it too." Like, duh, I mean: That's the very quandary 
I was hoping she'd solve for me!

Well, I don't claim to be anywhere nears as wise as
some body giving advice to millions of people, but,    (sic)
after realizing that I would have to solve my own 
problem myself... I thought & thought I can & thought 
I can & thought I can---and that finally solved it for me: 
I ate the cake and saved it as it came out the other end
... in a can [pun] marked: "Cake, baked by my mother" 
(with the dates of her death/baking attached)... and 
very hermetically sealed, of course. But it seems to me 
that Ann Landers should have been able to come up 
with this simple solution to having one's cake and 
eating it too without all that much of a fuss either.

Of course, as the years have passed, a new troubling 
thought has begun to creep over me: What if some 
distant, future generation of my family should unseal 
the precious can? (After all, I wouldn't want them thinking 
that my mother's cooking was crap!) And so now I pace 
my house all night nervously fumbling with my very 
hermetically sealed can, unable to think of a solution to 
this latest dilemma: I wouldn't want to just get rid of the 
can with my beloved mother's cake in it, and yet I fear 
for what the future generations of my family might think 
of their ancestors' eating habits ... if "the can" should
survive me without the "explanation" that goes with it! 

Frankly, I can't wait for whoever's finally hired to replace 
Ann Landers to get started answering her mail. (I certainly
hope they hire somebody with a strong stomach this time.)

S D Rodrian
poems.sdrodrian.com
physics.sdrodrian.com