🚀 go-pugleaf

 	Why, that's what I'm here to do, give advice and give advice
  	 and give advice. DR. ROCKET's Online Romance Clinic is most
  	 delighted to have you as a visitor. All right, prattle on  
  	 friend, I'm gonna help you out nice'n'good. So.. What is it
  	 that's bothering your purty little head today?
 					
  	<DR. ROCKET slumps back in his graphite armchair and LISTENS>

an299126@anon.penet.fi wrote:
: There's a girl works at a shop that I visit regularly, and I really like
: her. 
  						
 	A dough-girl? You want one of THOSE? Ach an299126, that is	 
  	 pretty DARN desperate. Are you POSITIVE you really want her, or
  	 is this just something you tell us in hope of getting a woman? 
  	 Like, "You deserve better than a doughgirl. Here, have me."

  	Doesn't work that way friend, at least not around these parts.
  	 If you wanna get ya a woman, you get yourself a BACKBONE and
  	 a BRAIN. Backbone-and-the-brain, backbone-and-the-Brain, One
  	 is a Genius the other is insane.. Come on over here my pretty 
  	 little mouse, let's take over the world together tonight.

: I'm not all that good at working out

  	Meaning, you're as doughy as the doughgirl? All right, all right,
  	 now I get it. Maybe this is a match made in grain heaven then.
  	 Ok, I take back the mouse thing, I know you guys don't like us.
  	 Just kinda hurts to see you put under the thresher time and time
  	 again..

: I don't know if she has a boyfriend or not.  
  					
  	You don't? Then here's my word: FORGET about her bf. It don't
  	 matter one bit whether she has one or she doesn't have one,
  	 he's probably just another piece of dough that she's going to
  	 chew up and spit out after she gets sick of him. An act of
  	 mercy, terminate the transaction immediately. <ANGUISHED
   	 MANIACAL HEART-MANGLED LAUGHTER RIGHT HERE - FOR HOURS>

: I'd really like to ask her out, but the shop is not a really good place 
: to do it. 

  	Oh no my little doughball, the shop is a *GREAT* place to do it.
  	 Just get yourself a bouquet of roses, come up to her when
  	 she's talking with other salespersons, look her straight in
  	 the eyes, smile sweetly and say, "These are for you".. Hand her 
  	 the flowers, flash that charmin' an299162 mile at each of her
  	 co-workers, then turn around and skip out the door - make sure 
  	 to give them a parting glance as you walk out. Last year during
  	 one of my psychotic forays into Springfield, VA's own suburban 
  	 mini- strip joint/restaurant called "Dauphine's Steakhouse"    
  	 <Maniacal cackling at the double entendre> I gave one of those
  	 to a stripper after she'd finished her routine. Was it Ilya and
  	 Jennifer happily ever-after - Is anything? Still quite a bite
  	 better than hitting on a dough-girl, methinks...
					    
: I don't see her any other time.  I know her address, so I could send 
: her a letter, but if she has a boyfriend, or is not interested, I'll 
: feel like a fool. 		  

  	Fine. What's wrong with feeling like a fool? I do it all the
  	 time, and it feels great. I'm in my natural medium as a fool,
  	 I wear my fool's cap on my lyre's strings wherever I go. If
  	 you don't take a chance at feeling like a fool you'll never
  	 have a chance to feel like a smart person either, you'll just
  	 feel like a doughball all your life. Great food for the Brain
  	 to chew on..

: What should I do?

  	Prescription time.. <DR. ROCKET looks through his cabinet>
  	 Ok feller, this is gonna fix you up REAL well:

  	1. Get yourself a spine, they sell those at DR. ROCKET's 
  	 nuclear anatomical accessories establishment for $500.
  	2. Get yourself a brain, they sell those at the waste dump
  	 for however much they can rip you off for - price directly
  	 proportionate to your needs.
  	2. Get yourself a bouquet of roses and do what the good ol'
  	 DoKtor ordered. Only way you could ever go from being a
  	 doughball to being a stalk.
  			
  				Always ready with a prescription,

  					- DR. ROCKET.

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  		"Success is a woman that has to be won,
  		 not courted. You have to seize her and
  	 	 carry her off, not stand by her window
  	 	 with a mandolin"
  					- Amundsen
  		 
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