🚀 go-pugleaf

"Bruce A. Johnson" <Bruce@BruceJohnson.ca> wrote in message 
news:Xns9991A0C18B4F3BruceBruceJohnsonca@66.150.105.47...
> Should Bruce live or die?
>
> I am a 38 year old man. I receive CPP Disability (Canadian Pension Plan
> Disability), and AISH (Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped,
> [Alberta, Canada]). They have been my main income for 10 years, along
> with a very small income gained in the last two years by helping people
> fix their computer problems. No matter how I try, though, I cannot work
> for very long without getting stressed out, and suicidal.
>
> I have suffered from depression since the age of eight (30 years), along
> with anxiety, stress, and low self esteem. I have never had a girlfriend,
> due to being shy (and my low self-esteem), and I have long since given up
> on the dream of having a family of my own. I am alone.
>
> As a child, I was bullied and picked on. I was taught to be a pacifist,
> and ignore those who did me harm. I continue to abhor violence, and I try
> to ignore those who do me harm. I've never been a people person.
>
> I grew up in a small town (Hardisty, Alberta). When I finished High
> School, I immediately left home, moving to Edmonton, Alberta. I had
> planned to change my life, to be everything I wanted to be. I figured
> that if I acted outgoing, friendly, and successful, that I would
> eventually become that. I was wrong. After a ten years of prentending in
> the city, (four of which I gained a BSc. in University), my mind broke. I
> had graduated from private suicide attempts, to a public one, which could
> not be ignored by others.
>
> My first suicide attempt was when I was 16. I have attempted suicide
> innumerable times in the past ten years. It seems that I am more afraid
> of the oblivion of death, than of continued life. In the past 5 years,
> I've only tried to kill myself once, and that was recently. I am a
> coward. I just can't seem to kill myself. This final option is denied
> me.
>
> I'm drinking more, to try to obliterate everything. Logically, I know
> that alcohol will not help, but for some reason I continue to drink.
>
> Part of me wants to die, but the animal part of me clings to life, despite
> my pointless existence. I'm a financial drain on society, and my
> depression almost always affects people around me. I'm also a financial
> and emotional drain on my family. They would be much better off without
> me. Don't bother to automaically deny that. There are just some people
> in this world that the world and human society are better off without.
>
> I survive financially through the tax dollars of everyone around me. No
> matter what I do, I cannot work consistently enough to earn my own living.
> I try to help my community by doing volunteer jobs like garbage picking,
> but I know that it is not enough.
>
> My existence is pointless. I cannot work. I have no real friends. I am
> unable and undeserving to have a girlfriend, much less than a wife and
> family. What do I have to live for? More years of this misery?
>
> What do you think? Should I live or die?
>
>
> -  Bruce A. Johnson in Hardisty, Alberta, Canada
> -  E-mail:  Bruce@BruceJohnson.ca
> -  Web:  http://BruceJohnson.ca
> -  MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/windrider6
>
> -- 
> Posted via a free Usenet account from http://www.teranews.com
>


Quit feeling so sorry for yourself and live.  Quit drinking and live. You 
have nothing to die for and no right to do that to your family.
The bull about no girlfriend, is bull, You are a good looking guy, you can 
find someone, but you have to look. Can not work?  done all that web work in 
one night didya.  Go here http://www.blender.org/ download the program and 
kick ass, show them who you really are, the person you want to be.
You should live.