🚀 go-pugleaf

obrien@netcom.com (No parking EXCEPT FOR BOB) wrote:
>
> Aqua  <reif_andrea@tandem.com> wrote:
> >I guess it's different for men.  For me, anyone who I would want to
> >go out with, I would also value having as a friend for many of the
> >same reasons I would want to go out with him.  Do men ask women out
> >because of looks or sex appeal that they wouldn't be interested in
> >having as friends?

> You know, I just saw someone post a paragraph that contains
> some answers to that question.  It's not phrased quite as an
> answer to the question, but if you work at it a little, I'm
> sure you can see how some of it applies.  Now, where was that?
> Oh!  Here it is, right below:
 
> >Not to mention the fact about how much it hurts to become friends
> >with someone and have them reject you because you won't go further
> >with it.  For this reason I keep my friendships with straight men
> >who aren't going out with a friend of mine or friends of a boyfriend
> >at a certain level.  Cafe friends I'd call it.  Someone whose company
> >and intellect I enjoy in public places and maybe once in a while go
> >somewhere casual like a bike ride.  But I'm always on guard and never
> >let them become a confidante or get too close.  I don't want to deal
> >with the guilt trips or feeling abandoned by a friend.  

> *If* there's a difference between women and men in this regard,
> I would suggest that part of it is in how we deal with frustration.
 
> 	Bob O`Bob


I think you misunderstood the 2nd paragraph of mine you quoted.

In the first I asked how one could want to date someone who does
not have the qualities you would want in a friend.  Everyone I have
ever been interested in dating is also someone I would want as a friend.
In fact I am friends with most of my ex's.  My question is why one
would ask out someone whose company you did not enjoy as a friend?
I don't think I have ever refused to be friends with a man because he
didn't want to be romanticly involved with me.

I wish it were more possible to be closer friends with men, but experience
has taught me that *I* always get hurt because they want more.  I don't
think you appreciate what it's like to invest emotionally into a 
friendship only to find out the other couldn't care less about you
as a person.  So the way I do things now is a compromise between how'
I would *like* things to be and how they *are*.    

Aqua